Film: The Happening

So despite all the warning signs I went to see The Happening last weekend. And now I know why I was warned against it.

The Happening is not all bad. It is shot beautifully, which I assume is thanks in no small part to Tak Fujimoto, the film's Director of Photography. Why do I give him the credit? Because he was also responsible for the cinematography of Silence of the Lambs, as well as M. Night Syamalan's earlier films The Sixth Sense and Signs.

The score is also beautiful. It builds tension and sets the mood for the film.

Unfortunately, all this is undone by the film itself. I was disappointed with the acting, and to a much greater extent the script itself. The premise of the film, a mysterious virus which makes people commit suicide, is brilliant. Unfortunately, a good premise alone can't save this film.

I don't know what happened to M. Night Shyamalan, but the real horror of this film is how bad it is. It's funny for all the wrong reasons (with a few exceptions) and is delivered in a completely unbelievable manner. This may be the acting, the direction or just the dialogue, but 90% of this film just didn't work.

Want an example? People are going batshit in the North Eastern United States. You are in the North Eastern United States. You hear gunshots nearby. What do you do?

Maybe you run away? No. Panic? No. Stand around and discuss whether or not to go back and try and help the people who are killing each other/themselves? Yeah. That sounds about right. And suddenly we realize that the real crazies are our protagonists.

My personal favourite though, was when Marky Mark took a cell phone from a distraught woman, listens to the phone and then states, "I hear wind from outside." Wind from outside? Really? You can tell that from listening to a cell phone? Just intuit it?

The film is ridiculous. The premise is brilliant and chilling. But the delivery is stilted, forced, weird and just... bad. I don't know what else to say about it. It felt like a B movie with an A budget. Except it wasn't so bad it was good. It was just 'so bad'.

1/3 - Don't go. But if you do see it, keep an eye open for Brian O'Halloran of Clerks fame. About a minute after you spot him, you've pretty much seen all that's worth seeing in this film.

It is a good day

So this guy, Jack Thompson, really hates video games. Like, a lot. He has led a years-long crusade against video games. He's a lawyer and he has caused multiple media shit-storms over controversial video games. Like, GTA: San Andreas, Manhunt 2, Bully, and even The Sims 2 (for a short while, until he realized he'd been had). He's even tried to get Hillary Clinton to side against the great scapegoat of the modern age. And now, even though people stopped listening to him about two years ago, his reign of terror has officially come to a close. It is a good day.

Drink Your Drink: Rockstar Coffee

Can I review drinks? I think I can.

So Rockstar, a major producer of energy drinks, has recently come out with cans of coffee. Coffee energy drinks. That you should drink at room temperature.

That's weird right?

Well they're not bad. They're not good. But they're not bad. I've drank maybe 4 or 5 of the things now (for the greater good, of course) and finally feel qualified to weigh in on them. There are two flavours available right now: Light Vanilla and Dark Mocha. At least I think that's what they're called. Why not look it up and check? Because I feel like living life on the edge. Going to print without fact checking. And because one is Vanilla and one is Mocha and let's be honest, that's close enough for anyone who cares (and anyone who doesn't). This is not rocket science.

If you drink them cold they taste like... well... like cold coffee. And they're gross. I made this mistake for the first can.

The second can got to sit on a shelf overnight and warm up a little bit. When I drank it, it was cool, but not cold, and was kind of tasty. But not really. I would have much rather been drinking real coffee. Or a cool coffee beverage courtesy of Starbucks or Second Cup or even Tim Hortons.

So don't drink Rockstar Coffee. If you want an energy drink, drink a Rockstar. If you want coffee? Go to a coffee shop.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

Video Game: On The Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One

As a long time fan of Penny Arcade, I couldn't help but snatch up their first video game just days after release. Of course, being the cautious buyer that I am, I tried the demo first.

And really, that demo told me everything I needed to know about the game. Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One is, as the title should suggest upon close inspection - or any inspection really - something of a literary work. With mini-games. If you're buying this game because you expected huge advances in gameplay and a visceral experience like none before it, then prepare to be disappointed. Not because the gameplay is bad. It's just not groundbreaking. The story, on the other hand, rocks.

But because this is a game, I should probably talk a little more about the gamy parts of it. The vast majority of the game works like the point-and-click adventure games from days of yore. Except 95% of the things you click on do nothing more than pop up a clever little description box. Which is fine by me, because at least half of those were genuinely funny. They seem to be stretching it a little by the time you get to the third and final area of the game, the boardwalk, but no one can be funny all the time. So I'll let it slide.

The combat in the game is simple. Easy to understand. Easy to get in to. Yet difficult to master. Well, aspects of it are anyways. Aside from your basic attack, each character has a special attack which requires you to do something special, usually involving the spacebar. These were beginning to wear thin (both my patience and my spacebar) by the end of the game. However, the rest of the combat (like final fantasy with built in mini-games) was enjoyable throughout. Partially because it was never really challenging. You couldn't nap through it, but I never felt like I was in mortal peril. Of course this isn't really a complaint because, like I said before, I wasn't playing for the gameplay.

What hooked me was the story. I'm not going to give you a play-by-play here, that's what the demo and, you know, the game are for. But I will tell you that it's Lovecraft, with clowns, mimes, hobos and humour. The epic introductory tutorial voice-over was brilliant, and everything after that equally so. Bear in mind, that this is not for everyone. If you're interest is piqued though, read some Penny Arcade and play the demo. By then if you don't know if the game is for you or not then you've got bigger problems than playing games.

It's also probably worth mentioning that I played this on a MacBook Pro, and although the trackpad was less convenient than a mouse, it was only really noticable during the 'Flying Pricks' fair game. And even then, it was no major inconvenience.

Final Verdict? 3/3. It's definitely worth playing if you're a fan of Penny Arcade with an appreciation for Lovecraft. Which actually sounds like a pretty specific demographic now that I write it. But it's a demographic that I'm in, and since I'm reviewing from within that demographic... 3/3.

Film: Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

When I first heard about the new Indiana Jones film, I was cautiously optimistic.  Optimistic because Indiana Jones was a major part of my childhood.  Cautious because Star Wars episodes 4-6 were also a major part of my childhood.  So to say that my expectations were low would be an understatement.  I was prepared for this film to destroy my childhood.  And when you walk into a movie expecting that, it's hard to not be pleasantly surprised.

Unless you're watching The Phantom Menace.

But I digress.  I was pleased with the direction The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull took the series.  The jump from Nazis to Communists was a logical one, and Cate Blanchett did an excellent job as their 'psychic' leader.

More importantly, using elements of current, common cultural mythology - in the form of Area 51 and El Dorado, among others - was a stroke of genius on the part of the writers, easily putting this film above the lackluster Temple of Doom.  To me, these elements are what made Raiders of the Lost Arc and The Last Crusade such excellent films.  The blending of 'fact' and fiction made those two films brilliant because they made it that much easier for us to suspend our disbelief.  And although The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull never quite manages to match its predecessors in plot quality (Temple of Doom excluded) I applaud - and greatly appreciate - the effort.

The film managed to be referential to its source material, without ever trying to distract us from the current film.  This is a fine line, in my opinion, as these tips-of-the-hat can sometimes end up being too much, "Ignore this piece of crap, remember that good movie we made 20 years ago."  And although some may disagree, I never felt The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull crossed this line.

What's more, the character of Indiana Jones still felt genuine.  One of my greatest fears going in to this movie was that Indiana Jones would feel more like a caricature of himself instead of a real person.  Rather than resembling the character from the original trilogy, I was worried that he would instead resemble the legendary figure our common cultural mythology has warped him into.  Again, some may disagree, and my opinion may even change after watching the film again, but on my first viewing, I felt the character remained true.  At least as true as a fictional character can.

My biggest complaint, is that this movie finally kills the mystery.  Doing my best to not spoil the ending, this film once and for all removes any doubt about the cause of the 'supernatural' events it portrays.  Despite everything that happens in the original trilogy, never were we once told, "Oh hey, this was totally an act of God, definitely supernatural, no chance of a rational explanation here."  In The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull though, we are told that.  Plain and clear.  About three times.  And that ruins the mystery for me a bit.  There's no, "Well it seemed like that, but maybe..."  It's just, "This is how it is.  End of story."  So finally, after four films, Indiana Jones will have to stop being a skeptic.  And that makes me a little sad.

But let's face it.  It's still a 3/3.  If you've watched the original trilogy and were a fan, this is a must see.  There's no way around it.  Even if it were garbage, let's be honest with each other, you'd still go.  So just go watch it.  And even if you don't like it, you'll have a hard time convincing me it's worse than Temple of Doom.

And if you haven't watched the original trilogy:

A) What is wrong with you?

B) This one is a 2/3, but you should go watch the original trilogy, at which point see above.

Short Film: Drinks

So about two years ago I wrote and directed a short film called Drinks. This would have been in the spring of 2006, when I was just finishing up my second year of university. At the urging of Samy Osman, one of the leads in the film, I finally finished a cut of the film last week.

Now this is a little too much self-promotion of something not-entirely-relevant for my liking. But, yesterday was my birthday, and I'm looking for some feedback on this sucker. I will be making an extended cut over the next few weeks as well, which I'll post here for comparison's sake, and will try and clean up the audio a little bit.

Comments were locked on the youtube posting of the video, because that community is a little too ruthless for my liking. But they're open here.

So the tables are turned. Now you can review my movie. Let the slaughter commence: